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SELF HELP |
New
Entries
1. Continuous Professional
Development according to DR.Malleswar Rao
2. Personality Development Notes
3. Dynamism in Communication
4. 10 Ways To Fail In Life Almost
Guaranteed
5. The Power of Creating Wealth from
Nothing
6. Personal Integrity - A Career Rule
7. 6 key social skills 8.
Self Confidence for women 9.
Self Consciousness – what is it good
for?
Previous Articles
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Feel Attractive Now
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Put yourself first
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Overcoming Perfectionism
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Saying No
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Everything you’ve learned about Public
Speaking is wrong! By: Doug Staneart
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Coming to terms with anger by Charlie
Badenhop
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How to Become Wealthy By Creating
Values Stuart Goldsmith
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The ONE Reason Why You Fail by Jeff
Cohen
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8 Fabulous Relaxation Techniques By
Jeff Cohen
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10 Minute Exercises with Fantastic
Results
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10 Ways To
Fail In Life Almost Guaranteed
By Patrick Chan
So you want to be successful in life? Is
that what you want? Then you better stop failing and become
aware of these 10 ways to fail in life.
You see, I've been asked many times for how
to achieve success and weird enough, seems like nobody's taking
that advice seriously. Then I realized one thing - most people
are ALREADY failing before they even got started!
The article I wrote below is slightly
controversy compare to the normal goodie-type personal
development advice because this is the TRUTH. If I want to keep
everyone happy and write about the colorful rainbow, birds
chirping, flowers blooming, etc then I should just opens up a
nursery home and take care of children. I want to tell you the
truth straight to your face because I've been there and heard
the garbage lies thrown everywhere.
Avoid these and you'll automatically be on
the right track (provided you want to be successful)...
1. Mixing With Losers
It's a guaranteed way to fail in life with this. Whatever you
like to do, losers will just tell you it won't work and after
some time, you will also become a loser. High five, welcome to
the losers' club. Something about losers you should know: they
like to 'recruit' new people and are very comfortable in their
shoes. They don't welcome Changes. So when you see someone with
any of these two characteristics, you know what you should do.
2. Don't Know What You Want
The most common goal I hear all of the time is, "I want to be
rich". I mean it's fine with that generic goal but the problem
is, how rich do you want to be? Or how rich is rich? Put it this
way - the methods used to make a million and $3,000 are
different. No wonder some people couldn't experience
breakthroughs in life because they are playing small for big
goals. If you want to make a million, you better put in that
level of commitment, bucko.
3. You Want Everything
It's nice to have a lot of things but if you go chasing
everything, you get nothing. Let me tell you why - you only have
24 hours a day and you've got to focus on your priorities. I
know, I know, you can hire others and so on but the fact is,
you've got to want 'something' first to lead to another
'something', then to everything. Make sense?
4. Watching the "Secrets" Way Too Much
I'm not here to criticize Law Of Attractions (LOA) and don't
want to receive hate emails. As a matter of fact, I do believe
in it and have friends who appeared in the Secrets. But it's a
surefire way to fail if you keep on watching the "Secrets" and
doing 'attraction' by sitting down on your floor manifesting 3
hours a day. In my point of view, scientifically, Law of
Attraction runs on the concept of 'believing'. When you believe
you can achieve your goal, you will take actions to actually
achieve it but if you don't understand this basic element and
think LOA is some sort of miracle remedy, oh boy, you're in for
a big surprise for failure.
5. You Don't Truly Know Why You Want
Success
Wanting everything is bad enough - but it gets even worse if you
don't even know the reason why you're trying to achieve your
goal. What's the deal? Without a solid reason, a compelling
reason, where are you going to find the motivation and
encouragement for you to overcome obstacles? You think it's
going to be fun ride to success? Then you haven't been traveling
- it's a rocky road, my friend. Most people failed to achieve
their goals because they never complete the journey-- they give
up half way (or at the beginning) because they cannot see the
worth of accomplishments.
6. You Don't Remember Your Roots
The thing I get most irritated about is people who achieved
success and never felt gratitude towards those who have helped
them. Is it very hard to say, 'thank you'? The law of
reciprocity is simple – you return favors to those who helped
you in the past. And maybe, they'll help you again in the
future. Remember this- it takes more than just you to achieve
success, so don't be a jerk.
7. You Think You're Smart
The day you stop learning is the day you stop improving
yourself. If you don't want to fail in life, make you sure you
stop acting as though you already know everything. The fact is,
all successful people are people who continuously learn to be
even more successful. They don't stop. Let me put it in this
perspective - you don't know what you don't know, you know?
8. You Listen To The Wrong People
I watched this funny movie called, "He Is Just Not That Into
You" and it just reaffirmed what I'm about to tell you. At the
beginning of the movie, it shows a clip of a boy pushing a girl
in the playground because he somehow doesn't like her. He thinks
she smells like dog pooh. She cried and asked her mum why did
the boy do that to her. And her mum replied, "It's because boys
do that to girls when they like you." Do yourself a favor, don't
get wrong advice. It'll stick in your brain and lead you to make
stupid interpretations in life.
9. You Think Short Term
You'll hear this happening often in many 'successful' people's
stories – make a lot of money to lose it all. This probably
because they became too comfortable and the other thing is, once
you achieve success, you should ride on the wave when the
momentum is there. When you think short term, you're only going
after the instant pleasure. You must learn to master 'delay
gratification' so that you can enjoy your today's labor.
10. You're Blinded With What Is Important
In Life
I believe there are only two things that are important in your
life – control of time and experiencing happiness. Money, love,
big cars, diamonds, etc are the things that contribute to these
2 benchmarks of successes. For instance, if you have money, you
don't need to work so that you can have more time to do the
things you like. It's not the money that you're trying to get
but what the money CAN DO FOR YOU. I know this topic is bigger
than one sentence explanation but I guess you get the point.
You're a smart fella.
So now you know the 10 ways to fail in
life. Question is, are you doing any of these? I'll be BS'ng you
if I said I don't. I'm human dude, flesh and blood - I do
mistakes too.
But I was fortunate to experience my fair
share of success today because I learn powerful lessons from
other successful people...
"It's okay to fail and you should fail as
many times as you can. That is how you learn but more
importantly, you should never give up – each time you get kick
dirt in your face, wash your face and 'fight' back. Don't go
crying like a sissy because Mum's not going to come cleaning
your face."
Are you ready? Go get your goals.
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The Power of Creating Wealth from Nothing
(This article is written by Paul Counsel, self-made millionaire
and author of The Infinite Wealth Trilogy,
www.thewealthtrilogies.com.)
One thing you must always keep in mind is
that learning is a process of discovering the new. It’s getting
access to things you don’t know you don’t know.
Because most people demonstrate they have
learned the skills of financial underachievement, it stands to
reason that they are capable of learning skills. Skills can only
be learned over time and they can only be learned with
repetition. No skill that I know of can be instantly learnt. All
skills require time and practice. If people can learn the skills
of financial underachievement, it must also be possible to learn
the skills of being wealthy.
All you need is some useful information,
someone to mentor you in its application, time and practice.
If you put all these together, and you
apply all that you learn, you will become wealthy. It's the Law
of Cause and Effect. True learning works from unenlightenment to
enlightenment. It doesn’t work the other way around. The trouble
with most people is that they stop learning very early in their
lives and get stuck with blueprints of struggle and lack.
To be successful on your wealth journey,
you must employ the principle of total responsibility. If you
are not prepared to take total responsibility for your present
economic circumstances, and quit the blaming process, there is
no need to read any further because you won’t find anything in
these pages that will help you. As soon as you quit the blaming
process and employ the principle of total responsibility, you
move from a position of being out of control to a position of
being in control of your financial destiny.
The starting place for all wealth creation
begins with protecting what you’ve already got and reclaiming
the power of what you already earn. Most people start their
wealth creation strategies from the wrong assumption. A popular
one is that you must have money to make money. This is
incorrect. If it were correct then there could be no stories
about people who start from nothing and become multimillionaires
in relatively few years. My story is one of these and I’ll share
some of it with you.
Basically I started with zero $’s and zero
assets. What I did have was an absolute belief in myself, a
passion for learning, a commitment to succeed and a
determination never to go back to the lifestyle I was living.
When I started off, one of the best things I did was give myself
permission to be wrong. As soon as I gave myself permission to
be wrong, I no longer had to do what everybody else was doing. I
no longer had to think what they were thinking. I no longer had
to believe what they believed and I no longer had to behave the
way they behaved. As a result it only took me four years to make
my first million dollars.
As I said, the starting point for wealth
creation is the protection of what you already have and the
protection of what you already earn. You must protect yourself
from people who want to lighten your economic load and not offer
you knowledge and a commensurate learning experience in return.
Most people attempt to solve the wrong problem and that’s the
lack of money in their lives. In other words, they focus on the
result and not the cause.
Most people fail to solve the problem
because in order to solve it you must use information and
knowledge you don’t presently have. Without this knowledge you
can’t solve the puzzle and you end up running around in circles
and using the same money habits that are presently causing the
results you’re achieving.
If you want to be successful, somewhere
along the line there must be some intervention strategies. You
must change the way you think about wealth and to do this you
need access to different knowledge.
As mentioned above, most people start from
the wrong place. Your starting point must be, "how can I reclaim
the power of what I already earn?" Most of the 100% you already
earn has no power. If you’re like most Australians you'll
currently be spending around 115% of what you earn. If you’re
like most Americans, you’ll be spending 125% of what you earn
and you’ll be surviving on credit to make up the shortfall. This
is simply not sustainable over the long-term. If you want
financial success, this strategy, despite its popularity, will
not work for you.
If I ask you to reclaim 50% of the power of
the money you already earn, you might say, "that’s all very well
for you, but how do I live?" My response is, "that’s a better
question than how do I get more income." It’s also a more
appropriate problem to solve. Solve the problem of how you’ll
live off 50% of the income you already receive and then use the
surplus for your investment needs.
There are many ways to solve this problem
and, if you allow me, I’ll teach them to you. All you have to do
is begin asking questions. There are many ways to solve this
problem and of course we’ll teach them to you. All you have to
do is begin asking questions.
============================================
Side Note:
I explained in detail how to solve the
biggest problem people face on their journey to wealth. You can
find it in the first book of the Infinite Wealth Trilogy at
http://www.TheWealthTrilogies.com
============================================
You must begin by reclaiming all those
dollars that automatically leave your pay packet each
fortnight/month. You must stop giving away your dollars to the
wealth creation funds of others. Over a lifetime, most people
are happy to drink a fortune, smoke a fortune, wear a fortune,
drive a fortune, and entertain a fortune. It’s these fortunes
that you must reclaim.
And when you do, you can begin to use their
power to create real wealth.
-Paul Counsel,
Author of The Infinite Wealth Trilogy
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Personal
Integrity - A Career Rule
This personal improvement article is written by Artur Victoria
No matter how strictly written the mandates
or how clearly the hierarchy, at some point commitments
prescribed will come into conflict. High officials regularly
feel cross-cutting tensions amid the requirements of protecting
an institution, building support for a policy, and accounting to
superiors. But even an inspector who vigilantly fills out a
priority check-list must make the choice between sending it to
an overworked agency that may be slow in acting on it and trying
to negotiate immediate compliance.
An official drawing up a budget proposal
not only must decide what his or her division needs to fulfill
its goals but also assess the nature of competing budgetary
claims and the politics of the budgetary process. In any public
office, goals and values will compete and collide. No one should
assume that clear judgment will come out of any of these
situations.
The ideal of personal integrity is a state
in which people hold multiple domains of judgment in tension
while keeping some coherence in their actions and lives. In this
sense, personal integrity is a normative ideal for which people
should and almost always do strive. The notion of moral
responsibility depends upon the assumption that individuals can
achieve integrity in their actions. Integrity provides a vital
framer, work in which to discuss how individuals can
simultaneously hold several commitments and achieve a morally
defensible balance among them. In a complex world, integrity is
the essential virtue for a moral life.
Personal integrity has several aspects.
First, it demands consistency between inner beliefs and public
actions. Integrity depends upon people integrity.
Personal commitments at the center of the
web form the moral, intellectual, and emotional links that
individuals use to connect other clusters of commitments
embedded in roles. These central values have been acquired
independently of, and usually prior to, office. The central
values can be revised in light of experience, and such values
are often reinforced by intersecting threads of family,
religious, or professional commitments.
These values provide the capacity for
critical reflection and judgment, which enables individuals to
stand back from, hold together, and reshape roles.
The moral philosopher John Rawls has called
this process reflective equilibrium, a state in which
individuals seek a balance and coherence across actions, roles,
and commitments. For a public official, these central values
would include respect for self and others, commitment to
truthfulness and public good, care, fairness, and honor. In
maintaining integrity across their lives, individuals use
reflection, will, and character.
To assess their various
roles and commitments each role can be lived with different
amounts of empathy, conscientiousness, optimism, or courage,
respect. Individuals personalized roles and change the shape of
each job they do by integrating their own personal values and
character through the office.
The personal integrity as a moral ideal
does not envision integrity as a hard, implacable nugget but as
something dynamic. The experience of some roles can lead people
to modify their central commitments in light of the demands of
the roles. They might learn to expand their definition of
respect or of professionalism.
Given the unity of people life, most values
and commitments crisscross, intersect, and often reinforce one
another. Individuals have difficulty when commitments or roles
pull at the centering values. Within a role, actions that
violate central values disturb all other aspects of people live
and raise most of the serious issues of personal integrity in
office. In these situations, the strains and pressures on the
web of values can be so great as to destroy health or energy.
In response to such tensions, people
sometimes disentangle themselves commitments that can no longer
be sustained, and they resign from office. At other times, they
may dissent in office or modify or resist actions to make them
compatible with personal integrity. Sometimes the demands of a
role so strain the central web of values that connections snap,
leaving certain roles intact but loosely dangling from the rest
of oneself.
People go to work but perform their jobs as
if sleep walking with the job having no relation to the rest of
their life. People can fall into self deception and not
acknowledge their role as part of their identity. When
individuals lives disintegrate like this, personal integrity and
responsibility fragment.
People in office lose commitment burn out
deny responsibility, performance and their personal lives
suffer. In another variant of undermined integrity, the personal
infiltrates the official, and people can confuse desires with
office. On the other hand integrity can also be undermined when
the requirements of the role so dominate self-consciousness that
the central web of values unravels into longer center of balance
the job takes over life In people lose not only perspective on
their actions in office but also the capacity to integrate and
change roles through reflection and will the central commitments
and capacities anchor the moral and cognition the matrix by
which people can live personality of a self and judge and ground
their actions in the role commitments when central commitments
or character capacities are undermined, individuals themselves
change in a moral when basic attributes of self can no longer be
or when they change, then the centering identity that held the
roles and commitments of life to get her no longer holds. This
violation or unraveling go from integrity calls into question
all the commitments and promises made on the basis of the older
self and can undermine people ability to commit and keep
promises in the future.
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6 Key Social Skills
Social
skills are arguably the most important set of abilities a person
can have. Human beings are social animals and a lack of good
social skills can lead to a lonely life, contributing to anxiety
and depression. Great social skills help you meet interesting
people, get that job you want, progress further in your career
and relationships.
Happily, like any skill, social strategies and techniques can be
learned…
The main social skills are as follows:
1) The ability to remain relaxed, or at a tolerable level
of anxiety while in social situations
Regardless of how skillful you are in social situations, if you
are too anxious, your brain is functioning in way unsuited to
speaking and listening. In addition, if your body and face give
the unconscious message that you are nervous, it will be more
difficult to build rapport with others.
2) Listening skills, including letting others know you
are listening
When
you had dinner with Gladstone, you were left feeling that he was
the most charming person you had ever met. But after dinner with
Disraeli, you felt that you were the wittiest, the most
intelligent, and the most charming person.
Dr Warren Bennis PhD, University of California
There
is little more attractive and seductive than being truly
listened to. Good listening skills include:
·
Making
'I'm listening' noises - 'Uh-huh', 'really?', 'oh yes?' etc.
·
Feeding
back what you've heard - "So he went to the dentist? What
happened?"
·
Referring back to others' comments later on - "You know how you
were saying earlier…"
·
Physical stillness, eye contact and attentiveness while the
other person is talking.
3)
Empathy with and interest in others' situations
A major part of social anxiety is self consciousness, which is
greatly alleviated by focusing strongly on someone else. A
fascination (even if forced at first) with another's
conversation not only increases your comfort levels, it makes
them feel interesting.
4) The ability to build rapport, whether natural or
learned
Rapport is a state of understanding or connection that occurs in
a good social interaction. It says basically "I am like you,
we understand each other". Rapport occurs on an unconscious
level, and when it happens, the language, speech patterns, body
movement and posture and other aspects of communication can
synchronize down to incredibly fine levels. Rapport is an
unconscious process, but it can be encouraged by conscious
efforts.
·
Body
posture 'mirroring', or movement 'matching'
·
Reflecting back language and speech, including rate, volume,
tone, and words
·
Feeding
back what you have heard, as in 2) above
5)
Knowing how, when and how much to talk about yourself - 'self
disclosure'
Talking about yourself too much and too early can be a major
turn-off for the other party in conversation. Good initial
small-talk is often characterized by discussion of subjects not
personal to either party, or by an exchanging of personal views
in a balanced way. However, as conversations and relationships
progress, disclosing personal facts (small, non-emotional ones
first!) leads to a feeling of getting to know each other.
6) Appropriate eye contact
If you
don't look at someone when you are talking or listening to them,
they will get the idea that:
·
You are
ignoring them
·
You are
untrustworthy
·
You
don't like the look of them (!)
This doesn't mean you have to stare at them. In fact,
staring at someone while talking to them can give them the
feeling you are angry with them. Keeping your eyes on them
while you are listening, of course, is only polite. Of
course these are not hard-and-fast rules, eye contact for
instance, varies between cultures, but in general,
practicing these will improve your social skills if you find
social situations difficult.
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Self Confidence for Women
by Jill Wootton
WE
WOMEN can gain an insight into any lack of self confidence by
delving into some handy scientific research. The differences
between men’s' and women’s' brains show that women are more
likely to worry than men.
How
many of you ladies miss out on fun and opportunity because you
are too busy worrying?
For
women, lack of self confidence is built upon worry and
procrastination. Women who tend to ruminate rather that act are
less likely to:
·
Feel
comfortable in new situations
·
Relax
when things don’t go to plan
·
Seize
an opportunity as it arises.
If, for
women, self confidence is the ability to:
·
Face
new challenges with optimism
·
Walk
into a room full of people with wet hair and less-than-perfect
make up
·
Still
trust that a smile and a friendly manner will be what interests
and engages others.
Then
how can we learn to override the introspection that says “Things
won’t be ok?”
Women
can learn self confidence
Self confidence, contrary to popular belief, isn’t always
bestowed at birth; it can be learned. Have you ever seen a child
taking their first faltering steps? Despite falling down a
thousand times, within a short space of time they are walking
all over the place, then running, dancing and jumping. In the
same way we can build a set of skills that enable us to feel
better about ourselves.
So what confidence-destroyers are we women more prone to?
Natural nerves!
Some nerves are natural for both sexes, a new date or an
important meeting with your boss will often cause a few feelings
of anxiety, and the trick is not to waste time negatively
predicting the outcome.
Catastrophising!
When you think that you don’t look your best, maybe not had
enough time to get ready or having put on a few pounds, one of
those ‘honey I look a wreck!’ moments; it is easy to feel that
everything else will go badly as a result. The sure thing is
that if you dwell on that single thought you are not going to
enjoy the event.
Negatively ruminating
How often have you said “What if she really meant…?” “I know
that Mary has invited us to their party, but I think she only
invited us because she felt she had to?” Women tend to be more
sensitive to others’ needs, and more aware of changes that might
improve a situation or make it more comfortable for someone.
Unchecked however, this ability to think things over can turn
into over-analysis and make life miserable as this internal
process leads to confusion, anxiety and inaction.
4 Tips to Build Confidence In Women
1.
The ability to relax
When
there is an event that naturally brings about a few butterflies,
spend some time thinking about times that you have done well at
something, remember what it is like to feel good, then take a
few moments to imagine yourself with those feelings in the
future. Notice how your posture, facial gestures and words feel
and sound, and what a difference it makes to the enjoyment of
any event. If it is a meeting or public performance, remember
that preparation and a belief in a positive outcome are key,
even if we can’t exactly predict the outcome we know that
feeling relaxed releases the thinking part of the brain to get
on with the job in hand to the best of our abilities.
The
shower that need not become a monsoon: Just because one thing
isn’t as we would like it, it doesn’t follow that the rest of
the day or evening is going to be awful. Women who appear
confident don’t let a bad hair day stop them from enjoying life.
Make a list of the qualities that you have and next time that
you tell yourself that you look awful and that the evening is
ruined before it has started, remind yourself that you can’t see
into the future!! And of the other things that make a good party
apart from a perfect hair do. A recent survey said that people
who smile a lot are rated more attractive than those who don’t.
2.
Developing an optimistic outlook
Women
are more likely to read more into facial gestures and voice
intonation, a useful trait but sometimes we get it wrong. So
before the miserable demons of ifs, what’s and maybes get their
teeth into your thought patterns, work on developing the power
of optimism the tool that vanquishes negative rumination and
allows the possibility of fun times.
3.
Action v rumination
I have
noticed that one of the key skills of women who appear confident
is the ability to notice that even if they are feeling a little
nervous inside they take their attention to the world around
them. No longer dwelling on the internal chatter, they can enjoy
the people they are with, they may also notice that they don’t
have the longest legs or are not the liveliest woman in a room;
but that is a fleeting thought and they carry on engaging and
enjoying. Giving the people around top quality attention….
showing an interest makes them feel wonderful! They will
remember it even if you spent a short time with them. For women,
contemplating our internal ruminations can be a creative process
that leads to beneficial actions, fun times and rewarding
relationships. Taken too far however, it becomes a road to
inaction and anxiety.
4.
Avoid paralysis by analysis
For
maximum self confidence, women need to avoid
paralysis-by-analysis so when opportunity strikes I am going for
action! (Mind you, on the other hand…;-)
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Self Consciousness - What Is It Good For?
Sound
like a strange question to you? Since most parts of a human have
evolved to be useful, apart from the appendix, perhaps, what is
self consciousness for?
First,
let's look at what we mean by self consciousness. Here's an
example...
·
Self
Consciousness in Action
You're
standing with a group of friends, happily chatting away, the
conversation going along nicely. Then someone says to you,
"John, you're good at that, why don't you tell us how you do
it?" And Bang!, the way you feel changes completely. It's as if
a spotlight has been turned on you and the rest of the room
lights dimmed. All of a sudden, your cheerful, easygoing nature
of 10 seconds ago is nowhere to be found! What happened? Well
basically, your focus of attention has shifted to yourself,
otherwise known as self consciousness. You may also have
received a shot of adrenaline as a stress response.
Now we
have 2 potential problems:
If your
adrenaline levels go too high, your brain will cease functioning
in a way that allows you to think clearly, and you will feel
like running away. Obviously not what is needed for a social
situation! If your focus of attention gets 'stuck' on yourself,
i.e. in self consciousness mode, you won't be able to discuss
the topic you've been asked to talk about. High adrenaline
levels will make it more difficult for you to shift your focus
away again.
What
is Self Consciousness For?
Strangely, the ability to be self conscious may well help in
socializing, in the long run. To be good socially, we need to be
able to empathize with others. And to do that, we need to put
ourselves in others' shoes. When you do this, you imagine being
them and then check how you would feel if you were in their
position. So, you are using self consciousness for a good
reason, rather than self consciousness using you!
So What
Can You Do About Self Consciousness?
OK.
Well let's look at the adrenaline first. If you're getting this
sort of stress response then it would be wise to learn some
relaxation techniques, for 2 reasons:
·
Used
correctly, relaxation will 'decondition' your anxiety response.
To explain - if you are reacting with anxiety very quickly in
this sort of situation, it may be because you have had similar
experiences in the past, and your body has learnt to respond
this way, faster than you can think.
There
are 2 main things to do:
a)
Rehearse the situation whilst deeply relaxed, so that your brain
learns a new response. Create a 'trigger' to allow you to 'fire
off' your relaxation response when you need it most. You can do
this best by learning how to relax very deeply. If you do
meditation, or yoga, you probably already know how. Otherwise,
you could use the sessions on the Self Confidence Trainer
created specially for this purpose.
Once
you know how to relax quickly in the situation itself, your
anxiety response will soon stop occurring at all. You will also
have the reassurance of knowing you can calm yourself if need
be, further increasing your self confidence. Now let's look at
your focus of attention.
As we
discussed above, self consciousness is the state of mind that
occurs when your focus of attention is on yourself. But to talk
smoothly about a subject, your focus needs to be on the subject!
The more deeply focused on the subject you are, the more
eloquent and flowing you will be.
So,
self consciousness gets in the way of socializing because it
stops you focusing on what you need to focus on: the topic of
conversation.
Self Consciousness Tips
So what
can you do to change your focus of attention?
A few
things
The
first thing to understand is that adrenaline and anxiety 'lock'
your attention, making it more difficult to switch what you're
focusing on. Why? Because if it was a truly dangerous situation
(which is what this response evolved for, it would be no good if
you just drifted off and started thinking about what was for
dinner!)
So,
becoming calmer will make it much easier to change your focus
when you need to. Learn a discipline such as self hypnosis, tai
chi, autogenics, or meditation. This all focus around teaching
you to become calmer, and involve taking deliberate control of
your focus of attention. Practice switching your focus of
attention on a day to day basis. You can do this whilst walking,
sitting at work, anywhere really. Simply focus in on one thing
as tightly as you can, then switch to something else. They could
be objects in your environment, or ideas or thoughts. It's
particularly good if you do this whilst a little emotionally
stimulated, such as watching an exciting TV program, or a film
at the cinema. At the most tense moments, deliberately switch
your attention away, and don't allow yourself to switch back
until you have focused fully on the new object or thought.
These 3
tips will make it much easier to control self consciousness. It
may not happen all at once, but you will notice the difference
if you persevere. Thanks for taking the time to read this
article, and I hope it helps you or others with any self
consciousness difficulties you may have been having.
Article by Roger Elliott, author of the Free Self Confidence
Course
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Saying No
Do
you have problems saying no when you want to? Learn how to solve
this problem:
Assertiveness is important if you want to build
your self esteem. Here are a few things to think about:
-
You can learn to be assertive
-
You shouldn't feel guilty
about saying no
-
The advantages of saying no
-
When to say no
-
How to say no
In business and personal life saying no is a very
necessary skill. It is impossible to please everybody and if you
always say yes you'll find that people will give you more and
more to do and you won't be able to attend to what you need to.
It's really important to know how to say no. Do
you feel you always have to say yes, especially at work or in
the family? How do you feel about saying no? If you have a
problem with this you may feel guilty if, for example, a child
asks you to do something. You think you should go out of your
way in order to do what your child is asking of you. If you
don't, you feel like a bad mother or a bad father. This is
completely wrong because as a parent you need time to yourself
and you also have other responsibilities which may be just as
important.
At work also, saying no is a vital part of
business life. It's so vital that if you don't learn how to say
no you're soon going to become swamped with other people's
requests for your time. If you let this continue others may take
advantage of you and you'll find it more difficult to
concentrate on your job because they will expect you to continue
doing jobs for them. Don't fall into this trap!
Advantages of saying no
Saying no is part of being more assertive. Saying
no will help you feel more confident and in control. If you
cannot learn this skill then you'll feel frustrated and stressed
out. This is a recipe for feelings of low self esteem because
you will feel other people are no respecting you as a person and
are taking advantage of you. You must put an end to this and
learn to be more assertive.
Why you shouldn't feel guilty about saying no
You shouldn't feel guilty about saying no because
it is right that you deserve to put your most important needs
first. I have written another helpful article you should look at
about how to put yourself first, check it out.
If you are in the habit of saying yes to help or
to please others you need to think again about the negative
effects this is having on you.
Next time you are faced with a situation where
you want to say no, explain to the other person why you cannot
do it. They may be so used to you accepting that they may
question you. Stick up for yourself and explain you have
something else you need to do. Guilt shouldn't come into it and
you shouldn't feel that you have to say yes.
Your need to say yes is based on seeking approval
or on feeling good inside because you feel needed but this shows
that you have low self esteem and you should do something about
that. You shouldn't need to feel that you have to say yes to
other's demands in order to feel good about yourself.
When and how to say no
You should say no when:
-
What someone is asking you is
opposed to what you really want - tell them and be honest!
-
You haven't got the time -
explain you are busy with something more important, be
polite!
-
The other person should do it.
Explain carefully that it is not your responsibility or that
they can do it better than you.
-
When it would help the other
person to do the task because they will learn from it.
Difficult to explain but you need to in order to help the
other person.
-
What they ask is wrong (in
your opinion). Don't be afraid to be honest here!
Saying no will help you boost your self esteem
because you are giving priority to the things in your life which
are important and you are not letting others push you around.
OK, great but how do you say no?
-
By explaining how you feel.
-
By giving your reason
-
By being polite and
apologizing
-
By making the other person
understand
By
showing the other person that you will not be pushed into saying
yes 
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Overcoming Perfectionism
Are you a perfectionist?
-
When you achieve something do you take pride in it and feel
good or do you tell yourself you could have done it better?
-
Do you laugh at your mistakes? Or do you take them very
seriously and go over them in your head afterwards?
-
Can you ignore untidiness? Or must everything be in its
place?
-
Can you leave a job half done? Or would this drive you mad?
If
you answered yes to the second option in the above example then
perhaps you are to some degree a perfectionist. We all are at
times; the question is to what degree are you a perfectionist?
Perfectionism can cause a lot of problems if you let it...
What harm can perfectionism cause?
If
you are a perfectionist this will cause many problems.
Perfectionism can:
One
by one let's take a look at the points above and you'll see why
it is so important to stop being a perfectionist.
Perfectionism will prevent you from taking satisfaction from
anything you achieve. A perfectionist believes that nothing he
or she does is good enough because only perfection is
acceptable. The trouble is perfection doesn't exist.
A
perfectionist has low self esteem because he can't accept
himself as he really is - imperfect.
Likewise, you cannot be happy if you cannot accept the world or
your life as it is. You will constantly try to make everything
perfect, which is impossible. Happiness depends on acceptance
and joy in the present, with how things are now. Overcoming
perfectionism can improve self esteem and increase happiness.
What
about relationships?
Self
esteem and happiness play their part in a good relationship.
What's more, people in relationships need to help each other
grow in self esteem and happiness. If one person in a
relationship is a perfectionist they will demand perfection from
the other.
Perfectionists create stress on themselves and on their friends
or partners and are very demanding. Relationships need give and
take and acceptance of one another's faults is a big part of
that.
Overcoming perfectionism will reward you with better
relationships so...
How can you overcome perfectionism?
-
Quite simply the best advice I can give - don't suffer any
more..
-
Take a look around you and focus on the beauty in nature -
it's not perfect is it but its wonderful nonetheless..
-
Instead of focusing on how people fail to reach your
standards, ask yourself what did they do that you're
grateful for
-
Next time you expect something try making your expectations
more realistic
-
Remind yourself how everyone thinks and sees things
differently. Are you sure that your standards are so
correct?
-
Try to look at the good things in any
situation and you'll be surprised at how positive you
can be

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Put yourself first
Is putting yourself first selfish?
Many
people will tell you that putting yourself first is selfish. You
may even believe this to be true. I am not saying ignore others
and think only of you because that is selfish...
What
I am saying is that you need to give your own desires and goals
priority sometimes or you will not be able to move forward as a
person. Think of it like this - to contribute to the world and
be helpful to others you first need to be the best you can be.
If you are unhappy and running around trying to make happy you
will suffer..
When
you live a full creative life with joy and satisfaction you can
grow and develop and you will be able to help others to do the
same. It is not selfish to be better than you are and make the
best contribution to the world and those you come into daily
contact with. Deal with your responsibilities but also make time
for yourself and don't let others take over.
What are the benefits of putting yourself first?
-
you will be better able to help others - because you will be
OK
-
others will take you more seriously
-
you will feel less stressed
-
your self esteem will improve
How to put yourself first?
It is
very easy to let others tell you what to do, especially if you
are suffering from low self esteem. If you're not careful you
can become overwhelmed by demands that others place on you. A
balance is necessary between work commitments, family
responsibilities and you time.
So,
how can you get that balance and put yourself first? Here are a
few suggestions:
-
Learn how to be more assertive
-
Don't feel guilty about saying no sometimes
-
Explain to others what you want and that you have a right to
some time to yourself
-
Don't get trapped in relationships which are abusive or
damaging to yourself - you don't deserve that
-
Listen to what your body is telling you.
Don't allow others to pressure you into doing things
when you don't feel up to it

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Feel Attractive Now
If
you have low self esteem you may not like how you look or you
may feel unattractive. This is bad news for your self
confidence. You need to act and think differently to feel more
attractive.
If
you have problems with your self esteem you may have a poor body
image and believe yourself to be unattractive or ugly. You may
be completely unable to see how attractive you are because of
your lack of confidence and negative self image.
What makes a person attractive?
Attractiveness is not just about beauty, it also includes:
·
A nice personality
·
Confidence
·
A beautiful smile
·
A sense of humour
Why do you feel unattractive?
There
are several reasons why you may feel unattractive. As I have
mentioned the number one reason is poor self esteem and lack of
confidence. Criticism from others may make you feel very
negative and this can increase your poor self esteem.
Perhaps you indulge in self criticism and negative self talk.
This constant inner negativity can cause you to feel inferior
and unattractive.
If
you have suffered from abuse you may have a victim mentality and
you may come to feel you are unattractive because of what has
happened to you.
You
may have suffered rejection in a relationship. You need to deal
with this or it can cause you to live in self pity.
If
you are in a relationship which is abusive mentally or
physically you need to do something. Either end the relationship
or seek help to end the abuse (counseling).
How to feel attractive now
There
are some things that you can do now to help yourself feel more
attractive:
·
Take up exercise - join a gym or start a sport.
·
Smile more. You will feel better and others will
respond to you in a positive way. You may even get a compliment
that will make your day!
·
Look after yourself. Keep yourself clean and
well-groomed. Look after your skin. You will start to glow and
others will notice!
·
Lighten up. Make jokes and laugh. Humour is
attractive.
·
Talk to yourself positively. You can read all
about self talk here
·
Buy something nice to wear that will make you
look better. Something that will make you appear more
confident.

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Everything
you’ve learned about Public Speaking is wrong! By: Doug Staneart
Many myths about public speaking have been passed along from
person to person over the years, and the one thing that is
consistent about these myths is that the people who pass them
along are still nervous about speaking. After facilitating over
200 public speaking classes and never having a single person
fail to significantly reduce his/her fear of speaking, I had a
dramatic realization. Just about everything I was taught about
public speaking while I was in school and from well meaning
peers and coworkers - WAS WRONG! Below are the top three myths
that we have identified, and some simple tips that will help you
reduce your fear or nervousness.
Myth
#1: If you write out a talk and memorize it, you'll be more
comfortable.
This is the fastest, easiest way to make your presentation
boring and canned and to make you more nervous. When you
memorize a talk word-for-word, any slight hick-up or distraction
can throw you off track. That can increase your nervousness.
Instead, write out just a few key points and practice giving
stories or examples to back up each point.
Myth
#2: More facts/details will better clarify your topic.
Most of us believe that a little is good, more is better, and a
whole bunch is just right in public speaking. If I can give you
10 reasons why my topic is true, then that is obviously better
than two or three reasons, right? Well in public speaking, the
more points we offer, the more confused our audience can become.
A good rule of thumb is five or less. So, after you decide on
your topic, narrow down the key points that support your topic
to around five key points or fewer. If your talk requires more
than five points, then it would be best to divide the
presentation into two different talks.
Myth
#3: Nervous habits make you a poor speaker
Most people think that "Uhm," talking fast, and nervous gestures
are bad, but in fact, these things can make you very relatable
to your audience. "Uhm" is a normal word in the English
language. We say this word all the time in normal conversation.
When it's not there, the speaker can sound phony and forced.
Plus, I've found that if you try to get yourself to stop saying
"Uhm," you'll probably just start saying it more often anyway.
Also, when people speak fast and move more, they show energy and
enthusiasm. I've had many speakers come through my classes who
were scared to get up and speak at the beginning of the program,
but when they did speak; the audience thought that they were
excellent speakers. The audience saw the nervousness and assumed
it was enthusiasm.
Realize that speaking well is like learning to play golf. If
you get a group of hackers together to coach each other,
you're just going to get a group of people very proficient
at a bad golf swing. However, if you get a good coach, he
can shave strokes off in no time. If you really want to get
good at public speaking quickly, get a good coach who
doesn't buy-in to all the speaking myths.

Coming to terms with
anger by Charlie Badenhop
1. Experience
Do you ever find yourself stuck in a rut of anger, wishing you
understood a bit more about anger management? Recently I worked
with a client who stated she had a lot of unresolved anger. When
I asked her what she meant, she said she often blew up at
people, even when she knew expressing anger was not the best
response. She quickly named several scenarios when this had
recently happened. She talked about situations at work, with her
husband, and with her children. In the process of telling me
about her anger I could see that she was getting rather upset.
As I almost always do, I asked her at some
point to slow down, take several deep breaths, and notice the
physical sensations taking place in her body, as well as
noticing me sitting in front of her, and the totality of the
surroundings in my office. At first she seemed uncomfortable
slowing down, and then after just a minute or two I felt that I
noticed her emotional state change. Looking at her softly and
matching my breathing to hers, I asked her what she was feeling
'at this very moment.' She said she was sad that she was not
able to make better relationships with those she really cared
about.
'So' I suggested, 'Please correct me if you
do not fully agree, but are you noticing now as you slow down,
that in this instance your anger has changed to sadness?' As I
spoke these words I also gave her an agreed upon hand signal to
signify that she take a deep breath prior to talking. She took a
breath, paused, and said 'I often feel very separate from those
I want to feel close to, and this makes me feel sad, and it also
makes me feel very lonely and isolated.'
'So' I once again suggested, 'Are you
feeling your sense of sadness leads you to feel lonely and
isolated?' She looked at me as her eyes began to moisten and
said 'Yes, I feel like people don't really understand my
feelings. I feel misunderstood and even that I am unimportant to
others.'
I took a moment or two to breathe with her
as I slowly nodded my head, and I gently said, 'At times your
anger leads you to feel your sadness, and your sadness leads you
to feel your loneliness and isolation, which leads you to feel
misunderstood and unimportant to others.'
She wept some and said, 'Yes, I can now
really feel my loneliness and that others do not really care
about me.'
'Are you still feeling angry?' I asked.
'No.' she said, 'I am only feeling sadness and loneliness.'
We sat there for a couple of minutes as we
breathed together and both of us felt our full range of
feelings. At some point she looked at me and said, 'It's
strange, but somehow slowing down and feeling my sadness and
loneliness, somehow feels comforting. I think that normally,
these are feelings that I try and stop myself from feeling.'
'Yes.' I said, 'When we stop ourselves from experiencing a
certain range of feelings, what usually happens is we get
trapped in a seemingly opposite emotional state that is
counterproductive.'
'It is not so much that your anger is the
opposite of your sadness, it is more so that your sadness is
connected to your anger.'
'As you allow yourself to feel your sadness, your anger
dissolves, and you can feel the full range of your emotions,
without feeling trapped or isolated.'
'When we don't isolate or ignore any of our feelings, we don't
feel isolated from or ignored by others.'
2. Commentary
In Seishindo there are two models we often use to understand
emotions. In our first model we believe that any one emotion
often exists as part of a larger cycle/circle of emotions. Think
of an old-fashioned vinyl record made up of four separate but
related pieces of music. One piece segues into the next, and it
is only in listening to the full recording that you can truly
appreciate the work of the composer. If say at the end of the
first piece of music there is a deep scratch in the record and
the needle jumps back to the beginning. it would not take you
long to become tired of listening, and you might even become
annoyed at the repetition. This would tend to be especially so
if the scratch existed just prior to the first piece of music
being complete.
This is very much like what happens when we
become stuck in compulsively expressing one segment of our full
emotional range, at the expense of making good relationships and
maintaining our overall sense of emotional well-being. At such
times, instead of feeling the full cycle of our emotions, we
keep on bumping ourselves back to the beginning of a single
emotion. We thus lose the benefit of fully feeling and
expressing our complete range of emotions. This is very often
the case with people who tend to get angry easily. If we were
more aware of our emotional state we would recognize that our
anger does not exist 'by itself.' We fuel and maintain our anger
by bumping ourselves back to only a limited range of our
memories and emotions. The more we feel 'only anger' the angrier
we become. On the other hand, when we can sense our anger is
accompanied and organized in coordination with other emotions,
we can feel all of what is driving our behavior, and it is this
full range of expression that assists us in feeling complete and
relieved in the process.
In our second model for understanding
emotions, we believe the emotion that presents itself most
strongly, is often covering up one or several other emotions.
How might you react as an adult, if you were taught as a child
that anger was a totally unacceptable emotion to feel? Perhaps
you would learn to smile and become sugary sweet, no matter how
upset you felt underneath.
What might happen if you began to have a
crush on a playmate at the tender age of twelve and your father
gave you a harsh lecture about the dangers of intimacy, and how
sex was only meant for the purpose of procreation? Perhaps you
would feel that it was unsafe to ever express your love and
physical desire to another, and thus every time you were
beginning to feel love, you would harshly criticize yourself and
the person you were attracted to. Can you imagine how confusing
your life might be if you were somehow always afraid to express
what you felt, and thus attempted to cover up what you were
feeling?
In our work in Seishindo, we often
encourage our clients to ask themselves the following questions:
'What other emotions might exist to support or round out the one
I am expressing now?'
'What emotions do I believe might be getting covered over or
neglected by the emotion I am expressing now?'
'What is the one emotion I am the most likely to not feel, when
I am feeling like I am now?'
'What might I be feeling if I was not feeling like I am now?'
Whenever you find yourself getting stuck in any one emotional
state, we suggest that you breathe deeply and ask yourself the
questions above
[Charlie Badenhop is a fourth degree
black belt in Aikido, and a certified instructor in Japan.
He is a practitioner of the Japanese healing art of sei tai,
and a Certified Trainer in NLP and Ericksonian Hypnosis. He
has been studying and teaching in Japan for the last
eighteen years and has students throughout the world. He
lives in Tokyo with his wife and daughter and is the founder
of Seishindo.] 
How to Become Wealthy By Creating Values Stuart
Goldsmith
Every honest man and woman should earn their own living in the
free trade of values with other humans. One of the best ways to
become wealthy is to create values which didn't previously
exist. Read that statement again, because it encapsulates the
rational selfishness philosophy.
If you merely trade values, then you make a living but do not
become wealthy and empowered. There is nothing wrong with this,
of course, if that is what you want, but creativity is the key
to riches. As an example, imagine we are on an island together
with ten other families. Let's trade values. I'll fix your hut
roof for two hours, whilst you husk coconuts for me for two
hours. Fair? Sure. No problem. Tomorrow, I'll fish for my family
and your family for five hours as long as you collect firewood
and water for your family and my family for five hours. Okay?
Yes. No problems here.
There's nothing wrong with this way of going on, and we could
exist for centuries like this. In fact this is exactly how
primitive societies did (and still do) operate. But there is no
progress. Why is progress desirable? Because without it we are
all still working for sixteen hours a day in mindless, numbing
physical toil - just as people did for centuries, just as they
are still doing now in many parts of the world. The fact that we
swap jobs (trade values) doesn't actually improve our lives very
much apart from a slight efficiency due to division of labor.
Now, let's create some values. Assume all ten families spend
three hours a day collecting fresh water from the distant
mountain stream. As an 'entrepreneur' you see a way of greatly
improving the physical comfort of your family whilst also
greatly improving the physical comfort of every other family on
the island.
Indeed, you intend to create an honest, tradable value which
will make you wealthy, but also make everyone else better off
too. This is the essential point about getting wealthy through
creating an honest value - everyone benefits.
Note one vital principle here. You are not motivated by altruism
to improve the lot of others. You are solely interested in
improving your own lot, and that of your family. You are acting
selfishly. How can you act in any other way? This is what gets
you out of bed in the morning. You are rational, because you
know that the only sustainable way of becoming wealthy is to
create something of lasting benefit to others (an honest value)
otherwise they won't 'buy' it. The only alternative is for you
to use force to enslave the population of the island to your
desires, or to con them out of their values.
Okay, so what are you going to do? Through your ingenuity, your
creativeness and your honest toil during what should be your
rest period; you are going to create a neat piping system of
bamboo cane which brings water down from the stream right into
the village. You plan, you scheme, you work and sweat and toil.
You sacrifice your leisure and a portion of your life. You take
risks - it might not work. You place yourself in danger - the
mountain is steep and slippery. Of course, you need to conduct a
market survey, so you gather all the villagers together and say
this:"For centuries the women have walked two miles a day to
that hill with their water jars to fetch the daily water for
their families. You all know that each family spends three hours
a day in this pursuit. If I could bring you the same water,
here, into the village and you could collect it in five minutes
instead of three hours, would each family work for one hour a
day on various tasks dictated for my family?"
Now of course the resounding answer would be "Yes!" Note the
vital point here: everyone is a winner. Each family gains two
precious hours a day for nothing - absolutely free, for zero
effort on their part. They can use this time to grow more crops,
fix up the hut, or whatever else they want to do. The net effect
is that their lives are enriched and their standard of living
rises, all due to your ingenuity, risk, and discipline. In
return for your effort, ingenuity, skill and daring, you become
a wealthy man. How? Because you now have ten families working
one hour a day for you and so you can 'retire.’ In other words,
because you created values for others which they willingly
bought from you, you have freed yourself from the need ever to
work again. There is no money on our island, but money is merely
a token of so many units of human labor. There are several
important points here.
Firstly you did not force anyone to do anything. This is not
slavery. The man who says that modern work is slavery is a fool
who has never felt the lash on his back.
In fact you freed the people from two full hours of
soul-destroying donkeywork each and every day of their lives,
and the price you charged them for these two hours was - zero.
Secondly you did it for you, not for them, and you're proud to
admit it. You're also proud of your water system. You're trying
to add filtration and perhaps design an automatic coconut husker
too.
Furthermore, you are proud of your wealth and your achievements.
It makes you feel good to be alive. You know you created
something of lasting value, and you're receiving the rewards
which you are due. These rewards spur you on to greater efforts
which will make you wealthier and improve the living standard of
all of the villagers. Also, no villager is prevented from
following in your footsteps, and so you act like a hero or
heroine leading others on to greater efforts. Perhaps another
villager will be inspired enough to start making boats in his
free two hours - the two hours which you created for him and
gave to him free. Now we can all go to where the fish are
plentiful - by 'renting' his boats, of course.
Instead of spending three hours fishing, we now spend one
hour, and pay him one hour in rent. So we are all better off
to the tune of another hour a day, with no drop in living
standards. In other words, we work less hard for the same
amount of fish and fresh water. Or, of course, we can choose
to work the same hours as before and get more fish and fresh
water. In other words, everyone has become wealthier. 
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The
ONE Reason Why You Fail
by
Jeff Cohen
Do you
know the one and only reason why people fail? You might have
fallen into this trap. Listen carefully... You only fail when
you QUIT. That’s right, you QUIT.
Life is
a long journey. It is a marathon. And those who stay in the race
until the end are those who win. That’s how winners are made.
When you fail, you are being tested. You must prove that you
deserve success. You must learn new lessons. That is why you
fail, because you aren't qualified yet.
The
trick here is to stay in the game. Because once you quit,
you really fail. You can't call yourself a failure if you're
still trying. It is just a matter of time until you crack the
code and figure out your customized path to mega success.
Persistence is the secret weapon of success. You can be very
smart and bold, but without persistence you will lose sooner or
later. My favorite quote here...
"Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others
have let go."
-William Feather
That is
100% true!
Those who hang on after others have let go are those who
prove that they are committed. They will get what they want
because they believe so deeply in it. Hang on and never
quit. If your dream is worthy, then you should stay in
the game no matter how many times you failed. I have. The
word quit isn’t in my vocabulary. Persist, persist, and
persist. Success is a matter of figuring out your right path
and then persisting until you reach your ultimate
destination. Believe in the beauty of your dream. And
remember: persistence is the magical key to success and
greatness.
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8 Fabulous Relaxation Techniques
By Jeff Cohen
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Stress
is the curse of living in modern times. We all suffer from
stress that takes a heavy toll on our bodies, emotions, and
minds. Do you always feel stressed out? Do you feel worn
out by fatigue? Are you simply having a miserable day? The best
thing to do is to relax. While some people see watching
television as a form of relaxation, experts maintain a different
viewpoint. When you watch TV, you are bombarded with
commercials, ads, sounds, and images that rob you of the full
benefits of relaxation. In recent studies, experts have
determined that heart disease is linked to anger. On the other
hand, irritability is linked to mental stress. Too much stress
brings about ischemia that can lead to heart attack. Relaxation
takes on added importance in light of this matter. Managing your
anger and attitude is significant to your heart’s health. One
relaxation technique is transcendental meditation. Recent
studies have also shown that this method may reduce artery
blockages, which is a major cause of heart attacks and strokes.
People practice transcendental meditation by repeating soothing
sounds while meditating in order to achieve total relaxation.
Researchers found that some practitioners of transcendental
meditation have lesser problems concerning their arterial wall
compared with those who didn't practice transcendental
meditation.
Another
method of relaxation is acupuncture. It reduces
high blood pressure by initiating body functions that signal the
brain to release chemical compounds known as endorphins.
Endorphins help relax muscles, ease panic, decrease pain, and
reduce anxiety.
Yoga
is also another method for relaxation and has similar effects
like acupuncture. In another study, participants were subjected
to several minutes of mental stress. Then they were subjected to
various relaxation techniques, such as listening to nature
sounds or classical music. Those who did Yoga were successful in
achieving normal blood pressure in a short time. Yoga is a form
of progressive relaxation.
Breathing
is one of the easiest methods to relax. Breathing influences
almost all aspects as it affects your mind, moods, and body. You
simply focus on your breathing and after some time, you will
feel its effect.
Another
easy way to achieve relaxation is exercise. If you feel
irritated, a simple half-hour of exercise will settle you down.
Exercise is a great way to lose weight and manage stress.
One
great way of relaxation is getting a massage. To gain
full relaxation, you need to surrender totally to the touch of a
professional therapist. Several types of massages give different
levels of relaxation.
Another
method of relaxation is biofeedback. The normal
biofeedback-training program includes a 10-hour session spaced
one week apart.
Hypnosis
is one controversial relaxation technique. It is a good
alternative for people who think that they have no idea what it
feels like to be relaxed. It is also a good alternative for
people with stress-related health problems.
Drugs
are extreme alternatives to relaxation. These are not safe and
may have adverse side effects. This method is only used by
trained medical professionals on their patients.
These techniques are just some of the ways you can achieve
relaxation. Relaxation can lower blood pressure and minimize
the chances of a stroke or a heart attack. Stress produces
hormones that suppress the immune system. Relaxation gives
the immune system time to recover and do its function more
efficiently. Relaxation lowers the activities within the
brains' limbic system, which is the emotional center of our
brain. Furthermore, the brain has a periodic need for a more
pronounced activity on the right-hemisphere. Relaxation is
one way of achieving this. To enjoy the maximum benefits of
relaxation, you must integrate it in your lifestyle. Choose
a technique and enjoy the full benefits of relaxation!
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10
Minute Exercises with Fantastic Results
Many
busy professionals feel that working out isn’t worth the time
unless they can exercise for forty minutes or longer and it’s
true that many healthcare workers and government agencies used
to recommend that all adults get thirty consecutive minutes of
aerobic exercise per day. But this is the twenty-first century
and the fact of the matter is that you don’t have to do all your
exercise at once to reap the health benefits. Research has
shown that short, intense exercise segments throughout the day
are just as effective as longer workouts at burning calories,
increasing cardio endurance and lowering blood pressure and
cholesterol. Even as little as five minutes can go a long
way towards balancing hormones in the body and making you a
happier person – is that great or what? You no longer have to
worry about finding a large block of free time to work out; just
take a coffee break and in five minutes you can feel totally
rejuvenated.
One of
the greatest things about shorter workouts is that they have
tremendous potential to reshape your body with a minimum time
commitment. Incorporating strength training exercises into
your daily schedule is a powerful tool for both heart health and
muscle strength. Spend five minutes doing lower body exercises
and after several weeks you can tell a difference. Spend ten
minutes on a power workout and results will show up in three
weeks or less. Use the following ten-minute express workouts on
a regular basis for a month and you will see remarkable changes
in your body’s strength. You can do these workouts in your
office with the door closed or, if your office is a cubicle,
in the restroom or some other private area. Do whatever is
necessary for you to fit in your exercise time at work.
Express Workout 1: Hips and Thighs
Hips
and thighs
can be a frustrating area to shape up especially for women.
Thanks to the physiological design of female bodies, fat tends
to be stored in the thighs and hips and can be very resistant to
toning efforts. Perform this routine three to four times weekly
in conjunction with aerobic exercise and your body will begin to
reshape in six to ten weeks.
Squats:
Squats are performed by standing with feet about shoulder-width
apart and arms by sides. Keep strong posture and slowly lower
buttocks as though about to sit down in a chair. Lower several
inches and then slowly raise.
Pliès:
Adopted from ballet, pliès are performed by standing with feet
just wider than shoulder-width and toes pointed outward. With a
hand on a chair or wall for balance, slowly drop your body
straight down several inches and then come back up. To increase
intensity, on the final pliè, stay in a lowered position and
slowly pulse your body up and down about an inch. This fatigues
the muscle faster.
Lunges:
Lunges are performed by standing with feet about shoulder-width
apart and hands on hips. Stand tall and take a large step
forward with one foot, and remain in that position. Turn your
back foot up until balanced on the toes and then slowly lower
your body until your front knee forms a right angle. Slowly
raise your body back up. Repeat on each side.
Leg Stretches:
Stand with feet about shoulder-width apart and one hand holding
a chair or wall for balance. Raise one foot behind you and reach
back with your hand, grab the foot and gently pull it towards
your buttocks. This stretches the quadriceps muscle on the front
of the leg. Repeat with each leg.
For
stretching the calf muscle, place one foot slightly in
front of you and point your toes up, balancing on the heel. Keep
your weight on the foot that is not being stretched. Repeat on
both sides.
All
times are approximate.
0:01 –
1:00 – Begin by walking briskly in place to warm up the muscles.
Warming the muscles makes them pliable and will allow you to
work longer.
1:01 –
3:00 – Perform as many squats as possible in two minutes.
3:01 –
4:00 – Rest for one minute.
4:01 –
6:00 – Perform as many pliès as possible in two minutes.
6:01 –
7:00 – Rest for one minute.
7:01 –
9:00 – Perform as many lunges (both legs) as possible in two
minutes.
9:01 –
10:00 – Recovery and stretching.
Express Workout 2 – Arms and Shoulders
Building strength in your upper body is a vital part of
any workout plan and fortunately it can be a fairly easy area to
strengthen. Powerful arms are important for both men and women
to assist with everyday life – it’s surprising how many typical
daily tasks require using the shoulders, back and arms. By
building those muscles, you will take some of the daily stress
of your body. This 10-minute express workout develops the
biceps, triceps, upper back muscles and shoulders.
Bicep Curls:
Curls are done by standing with your feet about shoulder-width
apart and weights in both hands. Tuck your elbows firmly against
your sides with palms facing forward. Slowly raise the weight
almost to your shoulder for a count of 5 and then lower it,
again for a count of 5.
Overhead Press:
The overhead press is performed by standing with feet about
shoulder-width apart and a straight back, holding a weight in
each hand. Bring the hands up to the shoulders and then slowly
lift up for a count of 5. Raise the weights until the arm is
almost fully extended; then release and lower downward.
Triceps Raise:
Stand tall with feet slightly more than shoulder-width. With
weights in hands, lift straight overhead until almost fully
extended. Turn palms inward to face each other. Slowly begin to
lower the weight down toward your back until the elbow forms a
right angle; then raise the weight.
Forward Press:
Standing with feet a few inches past shoulder-width. With
weights in hands, bring up to shoulders. Slowly press the
weights forward; then pull back. Be sure to keep arms level with
shoulders and move forward and back slowly.
Stretches:
Stretch the arms by raising your arms overhead, dropping one
hand behind your head and using the other hand to gently press
the elbow back to stretch the triceps muscle. Repeat with the
other arm. Next, raise both arms overhead, lace fingers together
and press arms outward. Lastly, bring one arm across the front
of your body and use the other hand to press the arm against the
body to stretch the biceps muscle.
0:01 –
0:30 – Warm up
0:31 –
2:30 – Perform as many slow, quality biceps curls as possible
within two minutes.
2:31 –
3:00 – Rest for thirty seconds.
3:01 –
5:00 – Begin overhead raises and complete as many quality raises
as possible within two minutes.
5:01 –
5:30 – Rest for thirty seconds.
5:31 –
7:30 – Complete as many accurate triceps presses as possible
within two minutes.
7:31 –
8:00 – Rest for thirty seconds.
8:01 –
10:00 – Complete as many properly done forward presses as
possible within two minutes.
Extra
time: Stretch if you have time available.
Express Workout 3 – Abdominal Muscles
Having
strong core muscles is crucial to protecting the spine and
maintaining good posture. When your body is supported by strong
central muscles it’s easier to perform everyday tasks as well as
exercise. Abdominal workouts won’t flatten the stomach – that
requires aerobic exercise – but they will strengthen and tone
the muscles.
Basic Curls:
Perform
the basic curl by lying on your back with knees bents. Place
your fingertips at your ears and use your stomach muscles to
pull yourself about five or six inches. Slowly lower back down.
Avoid using momentum to perform the exercises.
Cross-Curls:
Begin
in basic curl position. Contract stomach muscles and lift to the
right as you bring your right elbow to your left knee. Switch
and bring left elbow to right knee.
Bicycle:
Begin in basic curl position but prop your upper body up on your
elbows. Straighten your legs and then raise both legs several
inches off the floor. Pull your right leg in to your body; then
extend it as you pull in your left leg. Continue doing so; thus
“bicycling.”
Rope Climb:
Begin in basic curl position. Raise your legs straight up into
the air while keeping your upper body flat on the floor. Using
your abdominals to lift your upper back off the floor, use your
hands and arms to pretend you are climbing a rope. Grasp the
“rope” with your right hand as you bring your right side off the
floor; then switch and use your left hand.
Stretches:
Lie on your stomach with hands at about shoulder-height. Slowly
use your hands to lift your upper body off the floor and stretch
your abdominals.
0:01 –
2:00 – Perform as many well-done basic curls as possible within
two minutes.
2:01 –
2:30 – Rest for thirty seconds.
2:31 –
4:30 – Complete as many accurate cross-curls as possible within
two minutes.
4:31 –
5:00 – Rest for thirty seconds.
5:01 –
7:00 – “Bicycle” for two minutes.
7:01 –
7:30 – Rest for thirty seconds.
7:31 –
9:30 – “Climb” the “rope” for two minutes.
9:31 – 10:00 – Stretch the abdominal muscles.
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