New Entries

1. Continuous Professional Development according to DR.Malleswar Rao

2. Personality Development Notes

3. Dynamism in Communication

4. 10 Ways To Fail In Life Almost Guaranteed

5. The Power of Creating Wealth from Nothing

6. Personal Integrity - A Career Rule

7. 6 key social skills
8. Self Confidence for women
9. Self Consciousness – what is it good for?

Previous Articles

1. Feel Attractive Now

2. Put yourself first

3. Overcoming Perfectionism

4. Saying No

5. Everything you’ve learned about Public Speaking is wrong! By: Doug Staneart

6. Coming to terms with anger by Charlie Badenhop

7. How to Become Wealthy By Creating Values Stuart Goldsmith

8. The ONE Reason Why You Fail by Jeff Cohen

9. 8 Fabulous Relaxation Techniques By Jeff Cohen

10. 10 Minute Exercises with Fantastic Results

6 Key Social Skills

Social skills are arguably the most important set of abilities a person can have. Human beings are social animals and a lack of good social skills can lead to a lonely life, contributing to anxiety and depression. Great social skills help you meet interesting people, get that job you want, progress further in your career and relationships.

Happily, like any skill, social strategies and techniques can be learned…

The main social skills are as follows:

1) The ability to remain relaxed, or at a tolerable level of anxiety while in social situations
Regardless of how skillful you are in social situations, if you are too anxious, your brain is functioning in way unsuited to speaking and listening. In addition, if your body and face give the unconscious message that you are nervous, it will be more difficult to build rapport with others.

2) Listening skills, including letting others know you are listening

When you had dinner with Gladstone, you were left feeling that he was the most charming person you had ever met. But after dinner with Disraeli, you felt that you were the wittiest, the most intelligent, and the most charming person.
Dr Warren Bennis PhD, University of California

There is little more attractive and seductive than being truly listened to. Good listening skills include:

·         Making 'I'm listening' noises - 'Uh-huh', 'really?', 'oh yes?' etc.

·         Feeding back what you've heard - "So he went to the dentist? What happened?"

·         Referring back to others' comments later on - "You know how you were saying earlier…"

·         Physical stillness, eye contact and attentiveness while the other person is talking.

3) Empathy with and interest in others' situations
A major part of social anxiety is self consciousness, which is greatly alleviated by focusing strongly on someone else. A fascination (even if forced at first) with another's conversation not only increases your comfort levels, it makes them feel interesting.

4) The ability to build rapport, whether natural or learned
Rapport is a state of understanding or connection that occurs in a good social interaction. It says basically "I am like you, we understand each other". Rapport occurs on an unconscious level, and when it happens, the language, speech patterns, body movement and posture and other aspects of communication can synchronize down to incredibly fine levels. Rapport is an unconscious process, but it can be encouraged by conscious efforts.

·         Body posture 'mirroring', or movement 'matching'

·         Reflecting back language and speech, including rate, volume, tone, and words

·         Feeding back what you have heard, as in 2) above

5) Knowing how, when and how much to talk about yourself - 'self disclosure'
Talking about yourself too much and too early can be a major turn-off for the other party in conversation. Good initial small-talk is often characterized by discussion of subjects not personal to either party, or by an exchanging of personal views in a balanced way. However, as conversations and relationships progress, disclosing personal facts (small, non-emotional ones first!) leads to a feeling of getting to know each other.

6) Appropriate eye contact

If you don't look at someone when you are talking or listening to them, they will get the idea that:

·         You are ignoring them

·         You are untrustworthy

·         You don't like the look of them (!)

Self Confidence for Women

by Jill Wootton

 WE WOMEN can gain an insight into any lack of self confidence by delving into some handy scientific research. The differences between men’s' and women’s' brains show that women are more likely to worry than men.

How many of you ladies miss out on fun and opportunity because you are too busy worrying?

 For women, lack of self confidence is built upon worry and procrastination. Women who tend to ruminate rather that act are less likely to: 

·         Feel comfortable in new situations

·         Relax when things don’t go to plan

·         Seize an opportunity as it arises.

If, for women, self confidence is the ability to:

·         Face new challenges with optimism

·         Walk into a room full of people with wet hair and less-than-perfect make up

·         Still trust that a smile and a friendly manner will be what interests and engages others.

 Then how can we learn to override the introspection that says “Things won’t be ok?”

 Women can learn self confidence

 Self confidence, contrary to popular belief, isn’t always bestowed at birth; it can be learned. Have you ever seen a child taking their first faltering steps? Despite falling down a thousand times, within a short space of time they are walking all over the place, then running, dancing and jumping. In the same way we can build a set of skills that enable us to feel better about ourselves.

 So what confidence-destroyers are we women more prone to?

 Natural nerves!

Some nerves are natural for both sexes, a new date or an important meeting with your boss will often cause a few feelings of anxiety, and the trick is not to waste time negatively predicting the outcome.

 Catastrophising!

When you think that you don’t look your best, maybe not had enough time to get ready or having put on a few pounds, one of those ‘honey I look a wreck!’ moments; it is easy to feel that everything else will go badly as a result. The sure thing is that if you dwell on that single thought you are not going to enjoy the event.

Negatively ruminating

How often have you said “What if she really meant…?” “I know that Mary has invited us to their party, but I think she only invited us because she felt she had to?” Women tend to be more sensitive to others’ needs, and more aware of changes that might improve a situation or make it more comfortable for someone. Unchecked however, this ability to think things over can turn into over-analysis and make life miserable as this internal process leads to confusion, anxiety and inaction.

4 Tips to Build Confidence In Women

 1.    The ability to relax

When there is an event that naturally brings about a few butterflies, spend some time thinking about times that you have done well at something, remember what it is like to feel good, then take a few moments to imagine yourself with those feelings in the future. Notice how your posture, facial gestures and words feel and sound, and what a difference it makes to the enjoyment of any event. If it is a meeting or public performance, remember that preparation and a belief in a positive outcome are key, even if we can’t exactly predict the outcome we know that feeling relaxed releases the thinking part of the brain to get on with the job in hand to the best of our abilities.

The shower that need not become a monsoon: Just because one thing isn’t as we would like it, it doesn’t follow that the rest of the day or evening is going to be awful. Women who appear confident don’t let a bad hair day stop them from enjoying life. Make a list of the qualities that you have and next time that you tell yourself that you look awful and that the evening is ruined before it has started, remind yourself that you can’t see into the future!! And of the other things that make a good party apart from a perfect hair do. A recent survey said that people who smile a lot are rated more attractive than those who don’t.

 2.    Developing an optimistic outlook

Women are more likely to read more into facial gestures and voice intonation, a useful trait but sometimes we get it wrong. So before the miserable demons of ifs, what’s and maybes get their teeth into your thought patterns, work on developing the power of optimism the tool that vanquishes negative rumination and allows the possibility of fun times.

 3.    Action v rumination

I have noticed that one of the key skills of women who appear confident is the ability to notice that even if they are feeling a little nervous inside they take their attention to the world around them. No longer dwelling on the internal chatter, they can enjoy the people they are with, they may also notice that they don’t have the longest legs or are not the liveliest woman in a room; but that is a fleeting thought and they carry on engaging and enjoying. Giving the people around top quality attention…. showing an interest makes them feel wonderful! They will remember it even if you spent a short time with them. For women, contemplating our internal ruminations can be a creative process that leads to beneficial actions, fun times and rewarding relationships. Taken too far however, it becomes a road to inaction and anxiety.

4.    Avoid paralysis by analysis

For maximum self confidence, women need to avoid paralysis-by-analysis so when opportunity strikes I am going for action! (Mind you, on the other hand…;-)

Self Consciousness - What Is It Good For?

Sound like a strange question to you? Since most parts of a human have evolved to be useful, apart from the appendix, perhaps, what is self consciousness for?

First, let's look at what we mean by self consciousness. Here's an example...

·         Self Consciousness in Action

You're standing with a group of friends, happily chatting away, the conversation going along nicely. Then someone says to you, "John, you're good at that, why don't you tell us how you do it?" And Bang!, the way you feel changes completely. It's as if a spotlight has been turned on you and the rest of the room lights dimmed. All of a sudden, your cheerful, easygoing nature of 10 seconds ago is nowhere to be found! What happened? Well basically, your focus of attention has shifted to yourself, otherwise known as self consciousness. You may also have received a shot of adrenaline as a stress response.

Now we have 2 potential problems:

If your adrenaline levels go too high, your brain will cease functioning in a way that allows you to think clearly, and you will feel like running away. Obviously not what is needed for a social situation! If your focus of attention gets 'stuck' on yourself, i.e. in self consciousness mode, you won't be able to discuss the topic you've been asked to talk about. High adrenaline levels will make it more difficult for you to shift your focus away again.

 What is Self Consciousness For?

Strangely, the ability to be self conscious may well help in socializing, in the long run. To be good socially, we need to be able to empathize with others. And to do that, we need to put ourselves in others' shoes. When you do this, you imagine being them and then check how you would feel if you were in their position. So, you are using self consciousness for a good reason, rather than self consciousness using you!

So What Can You Do About Self Consciousness?

OK. Well let's look at the adrenaline first. If you're getting this sort of stress response then it would be wise to learn some relaxation techniques, for 2 reasons:

·         Used correctly, relaxation will 'decondition' your anxiety response. To explain - if you are reacting with anxiety very quickly in this sort of situation, it may be because you have had similar experiences in the past, and your body has learnt to respond this way, faster than you can think.

There are 2 main things to do:

a) Rehearse the situation whilst deeply relaxed, so that your brain learns a new response. Create a 'trigger' to allow you to 'fire off' your relaxation response when you need it most. You can do this best by learning how to relax very deeply. If you do meditation, or yoga, you probably already know how. Otherwise, you could use the sessions on the Self Confidence Trainer created specially for this purpose.

Once you know how to relax quickly in the situation itself, your anxiety response will soon stop occurring at all. You will also have the reassurance of knowing you can calm yourself if need be, further increasing your self confidence. Now let's look at your focus of attention.

As we discussed above, self consciousness is the state of mind that occurs when your focus of attention is on yourself. But to talk smoothly about a subject, your focus needs to be on the subject! The more deeply focused on the subject you are, the more eloquent and flowing you will be.

So, self consciousness gets in the way of socializing because it stops you focusing on what you need to focus on: the topic of conversation.

Self Consciousness Tips

So what can you do to change your focus of attention?

A few things

The first thing to understand is that adrenaline and anxiety 'lock' your attention, making it more difficult to switch what you're focusing on. Why? Because if it was a truly dangerous situation (which is what this response evolved for, it would be no good if you just drifted off and started thinking about what was for dinner!)

So, becoming calmer will make it much easier to change your focus when you need to. Learn a discipline such as self hypnosis, tai chi, autogenics, or meditation. This all focus around teaching you to become calmer, and involve taking deliberate control of your focus of attention. Practice switching your focus of attention on a day to day basis. You can do this whilst walking, sitting at work, anywhere really. Simply focus in on one thing as tightly as you can, then switch to something else. They could be objects in your environment, or ideas or thoughts. It's particularly good if you do this whilst a little emotionally stimulated, such as watching an exciting TV program, or a film at the cinema. At the most tense moments, deliberately switch your attention away, and don't allow yourself to switch back until you have focused fully on the new object or thought.

These 3 tips will make it much easier to control self consciousness. It may not happen all at once, but you will notice the difference if you persevere. Thanks for taking the time to read this article, and I hope it helps you or others with any self consciousness difficulties you may have been having.

 Saying No

Do you have problems saying no when you want to? Learn how to solve this problem:

Assertiveness is important if you want to build your self esteem. Here are a few things to think about:

• You can learn to be assertive
• You shouldn't feel guilty about saying no
• The advantages of saying no
• When to say no
• How to say no

In business and personal life saying no is a very necessary skill. It is impossible to please everybody and if you always say yes you'll find that people will give you more and more to do and you won't be able to attend to what you need to.

It's really important to know how to say no. Do you feel you always have to say yes, especially at work or in the family? How do you feel about saying no? If you have a problem with this you may feel guilty if, for example, a child asks you to do something. You think you should go out of your way in order to do what your child is asking of you. If you don't, you feel like a bad mother or a bad father. This is completely wrong because as a parent you need time to yourself and you also have other responsibilities which may be just as important.

At work also, saying no is a vital part of business life. It's so vital that if you don't learn how to say no you're soon going to become swamped with other people's requests for your time. If you let this continue others may take advantage of you and you'll find it more difficult to concentrate on your job because they will expect you to continue doing jobs for them. Don't fall into this trap!

Advantages of saying no

Saying no is part of being more assertive. Saying no will help you feel more confident and in control. If you cannot learn this skill then you'll feel frustrated and stressed out. This is a recipe for feelings of low self esteem because you will feel other people are no respecting you as a person and are taking advantage of you. You must put an end to this and learn to be more assertive.

Why you shouldn't feel guilty about saying no

You shouldn't feel guilty about saying no because it is right that you deserve to put your most important needs first. I have written another helpful article you should look at about how to put yourself first, check it out.

If you are in the habit of saying yes to help or to please others you need to think again about the negative effects this is having on you.

Next time you are faced with a situation where you want to say no, explain to the other person why you cannot do it. They may be so used to you accepting that they may question you. Stick up for yourself and explain you have something else you need to do. Guilt shouldn't come into it and you shouldn't feel that you have to say yes.

Your need to say yes is based on seeking approval or on feeling good inside because you feel needed but this shows that you have low self esteem and you should do something about that. You shouldn't need to feel that you have to say yes to other's demands in order to feel good about yourself.

When and how to say no

You should say no when:

• What someone is asking you is opposed to what you really want - tell them and be honest!
• You haven't got the time - explain you are busy with something more important, be polite!
• The other person should do it. Explain carefully that it is not your responsibility or that they can do it better than you.
• When it would help the other person to do the task because they will learn from it. Difficult to explain but you need to in order to help the other person.
• What they ask is wrong (in your opinion). Don't be afraid to be honest here!

Saying no will help you boost your self esteem because you are giving priority to the things in your life which are important and you are not letting others push you around.

OK, great but how do you say no?

• By explaining how you feel.
• By giving your reason
• By being polite and apologizing
• By making the other person understand

Overcoming Perfectionism

Are you a perfectionist?

• When you achieve something do you take pride in it and feel good or do you tell yourself you could have done it better?

• Do you laugh at your mistakes? Or do you take them very seriously and go over them in your head afterwards?

• Can you ignore untidiness? Or must everything be in its place?

• Can you leave a job half done? Or would this drive you mad?

If you answered yes to the second option in the above example then perhaps you are to some degree a perfectionist. We all are at times; the question is to what degree are you a perfectionist?

Perfectionism can cause a lot of problems if you let it...

What harm can perfectionism cause?

If you are a perfectionist this will cause many problems. Perfectionism can:

• cause you to have low self esteem

•  stop you being happy

•  hurt your relationships

One by one let's take a look at the points above and you'll see why it is so important to stop being a perfectionist.

Perfectionism will prevent you from taking satisfaction from anything you achieve. A perfectionist believes that nothing he or she does is good enough because only perfection is acceptable. The trouble is perfection doesn't exist.

A perfectionist has low self esteem because he can't accept himself as he really is - imperfect.

Likewise, you cannot be happy if you cannot accept the world or your life as it is. You will constantly try to make everything perfect, which is impossible. Happiness depends on acceptance and joy in the present, with how things are now. Overcoming perfectionism can improve self esteem and increase happiness.

What about relationships?

Self esteem and happiness play their part in a good relationship. What's more, people in relationships need to help each other grow in self esteem and happiness. If one person in a relationship is a perfectionist they will demand perfection from the other.

Perfectionists create stress on themselves and on their friends or partners and are very demanding. Relationships need give and take and acceptance of one another's faults is a big part of that.

Overcoming perfectionism will reward you with better relationships so...

How can you overcome perfectionism?

• Quite simply the best advice I can give - don't suffer any more..

• Take a look around you and focus on the beauty in nature - it's not perfect is it but its wonderful nonetheless..

• Instead of focusing on how people fail to reach your standards, ask yourself what did they do that you're grateful for

• Next time you expect something try making your expectations more realistic

• Remind yourself how everyone thinks and sees things differently. Are you sure that your standards are so correct?

• Try to look at the good things in any situation and you'll be surprised at how positive you can be

  

Put yourself first

Is putting yourself first selfish? 

Many people will tell you that putting yourself first is selfish. You may even believe this to be true. I am not saying ignore others and think only of you because that is selfish...

What I am saying is that you need to give your own desires and goals priority sometimes or you will not be able to move forward as a person. Think of it like this - to contribute to the world and be helpful to others you first need to be the best you can be. If you are unhappy and running around trying to make happy you will suffer.. 

When you live a full creative life with joy and satisfaction you can grow and develop and you will be able to help others to do the same. It is not selfish to be better than you are and make the best contribution to the world and those you come into daily contact with. Deal with your responsibilities but also make time for yourself and don't let others take over.  

What are the benefits of putting yourself first?

• you will be better able to help others - because you will be OK

• others will take you more seriously

• you will feel less stressed

• your self esteem will improve

How to put yourself first?

It is very easy to let others tell you what to do, especially if you are suffering from low self esteem. If you're not careful you can become overwhelmed by demands that others place on you. A balance is necessary between work commitments, family responsibilities and you time.

So, how can you get that balance and put yourself first? Here are a few suggestions:

• Learn how to be more assertive

• Don't feel guilty about saying no sometimes

• Explain to others what you want and that you have a right to some time to yourself

• Don't get trapped in relationships which are abusive or damaging to yourself - you don't deserve that

• Listen to what your body is telling you. Don't allow others to pressure you into doing things when you don't feel up to it

  

Feel Attractive Now

If you have low self esteem you may not like how you look or you may feel unattractive. This is bad news for your self confidence. You need to act and think differently to feel more attractive.

If you have problems with your self esteem you may have a poor body image and believe yourself to be unattractive or ugly. You may be completely unable to see how attractive you are because of your lack of confidence and negative self image.

What makes a person attractive?

Attractiveness is not just about beauty, it also includes:

·         A nice personality

·         Confidence

·         A beautiful smile

·         A sense of humour

Why do you feel unattractive?

There are several reasons why you may feel unattractive. As I have mentioned the number one reason is poor self esteem and lack of confidence. Criticism from others may make you feel very negative and this can increase your poor self esteem.

Perhaps you indulge in self criticism and negative self talk. This constant inner negativity can cause you to feel inferior and unattractive.

If you have suffered from abuse you may have a victim mentality and you may come to feel you are unattractive because of what has happened to you.

You may have suffered rejection in a relationship. You need to deal with this or it can cause you to live in self pity.

If you are in a relationship which is abusive mentally or physically you need to do something. Either end the relationship or seek help to end the abuse (counseling).

How to feel attractive now

There are some things that you can do now to help yourself feel more attractive:

·         Take up exercise - join a gym or start a sport.

·         Smile more. You will feel better and others will respond to you in a positive way. You may even get a compliment that will make your day!

·         Look after yourself. Keep yourself clean and well-groomed. Look after your skin. You will start to glow and others will notice!

·         Lighten up. Make jokes and laugh. Humour is attractive.

·         Talk to yourself positively. You can read all about self talk here 

Everything you’ve learned about Public Speaking is wrong! By: Doug Staneart

   Many myths about public speaking have been passed along from person to person over the years, and the one thing that is consistent about these myths is that the people who pass them along are still nervous about speaking. After facilitating over 200 public speaking classes and never having a single person fail to significantly reduce his/her fear of speaking, I had a dramatic realization. Just about everything I was taught about public speaking while I was in school and from well meaning peers and coworkers - WAS WRONG! Below are the top three myths that we have identified, and some simple tips that will help you reduce your fear or nervousness.

Myth #1: If you write out a talk and memorize it, you'll be more comfortable.

   This is the fastest, easiest way to make your presentation boring and canned and to make you more nervous. When you memorize a talk word-for-word, any slight hick-up or distraction can throw you off track. That can increase your nervousness. Instead, write out just a few key points and practice giving stories or examples to back up each point.

Myth #2: More facts/details will better clarify your topic.

   Most of us believe that a little is good, more is better, and a whole bunch is just right in public speaking. If I can give you 10 reasons why my topic is true, then that is obviously better than two or three reasons, right? Well in public speaking, the more points we offer, the more confused our audience can become. A good rule of thumb is five or less. So, after you decide on your topic, narrow down the key points that support your topic to around five key points or fewer. If your talk requires more than five points, then it would be best to divide the presentation into two different talks.

Myth #3: Nervous habits make you a poor speaker

   Most people think that "Uhm," talking fast, and nervous gestures are bad, but in fact, these things can make you very relatable to your audience. "Uhm" is a normal word in the English language. We say this word all the time in normal conversation. When it's not there, the speaker can sound phony and forced. Plus, I've found that if you try to get yourself to stop saying "Uhm," you'll probably just start saying it more often anyway. Also, when people speak fast and move more, they show energy and enthusiasm. I've had many speakers come through my classes who were scared to get up and speak at the beginning of the program, but when they did speak; the audience thought that they were excellent speakers. The audience saw the nervousness and assumed it was enthusiasm.

Coming to terms with anger by Charlie Badenhop

1. Experience
Do you ever find yourself stuck in a rut of anger, wishing you understood a bit more about anger management? Recently I worked with a client who stated she had a lot of unresolved anger. When I asked her what she meant, she said she often blew up at people, even when she knew expressing anger was not the best response. She quickly named several scenarios when this had recently happened. She talked about situations at work, with her husband, and with her children. In the process of telling me about her anger I could see that she was getting rather upset.

As I almost always do, I asked her at some point to slow down, take several deep breaths, and notice the physical sensations taking place in her body, as well as noticing me sitting in front of her, and the totality of the surroundings in my office. At first she seemed uncomfortable slowing down, and then after just a minute or two I felt that I noticed her emotional state change. Looking at her softly and matching my breathing to hers, I asked her what she was feeling 'at this very moment.' She said she was sad that she was not able to make better relationships with those she really cared about.

'So' I suggested, 'Please correct me if you do not fully agree, but are you noticing now as you slow down, that in this instance your anger has changed to sadness?' As I spoke these words I also gave her an agreed upon hand signal to signify that she take a deep breath prior to talking. She took a breath, paused, and said 'I often feel very separate from those I want to feel close to, and this makes me feel sad, and it also makes me feel very lonely and isolated.'

'So' I once again suggested, 'Are you feeling your sense of sadness leads you to feel lonely and isolated?' She looked at me as her eyes began to moisten and said 'Yes, I feel like people don't really understand my feelings. I feel misunderstood and even that I am unimportant to others.'

I took a moment or two to breathe with her as I slowly nodded my head, and I gently said, 'At times your anger leads you to feel your sadness, and your sadness leads you to feel your loneliness and isolation, which leads you to feel misunderstood and unimportant to others.'

She wept some and said, 'Yes, I can now really feel my loneliness and that others do not really care about me.'
'Are you still feeling angry?' I asked.
'No.' she said, 'I am only feeling sadness and loneliness.'

We sat there for a couple of minutes as we breathed together and both of us felt our full range of feelings. At some point she looked at me and said, 'It's strange, but somehow slowing down and feeling my sadness and loneliness, somehow feels comforting. I think that normally, these are feelings that I try and stop myself from feeling.' 'Yes.' I said, 'When we stop ourselves from experiencing a certain range of feelings, what usually happens is we get trapped in a seemingly opposite emotional state that is counterproductive.'

'It is not so much that your anger is the opposite of your sadness, it is more so that your sadness is connected to your anger.'
'As you allow yourself to feel your sadness, your anger dissolves, and you can feel the full range of your emotions, without feeling trapped or isolated.'
'When we don't isolate or ignore any of our feelings, we don't feel isolated from or ignored by others.'

2. Commentary
In Seishindo there are two models we often use to understand emotions. In our first model we believe that any one emotion often exists as part of a larger cycle/circle of emotions. Think of an old-fashioned vinyl record made up of four separate but related pieces of music. One piece segues into the next, and it is only in listening to the full recording that you can truly appreciate the work of the composer. If say at the end of the first piece of music there is a deep scratch in the record and the needle jumps back to the beginning. it would not take you long to become tired of listening, and you might even become annoyed at the repetition. This would tend to be especially so if the scratch existed just prior to the first piece of music being complete.

This is very much like what happens when we become stuck in compulsively expressing one segment of our full emotional range, at the expense of making good relationships and maintaining our overall sense of emotional well-being. At such times, instead of feeling the full cycle of our emotions, we keep on bumping ourselves back to the beginning of a single emotion. We thus lose the benefit of fully feeling and expressing our complete range of emotions. This is very often the case with people who tend to get angry easily. If we were more aware of our emotional state we would recognize that our anger does not exist 'by itself.' We fuel and maintain our anger by bumping ourselves back to only a limited range of our memories and emotions. The more we feel 'only anger' the angrier we become. On the other hand, when we can sense our anger is accompanied and organized in coordination with other emotions, we can feel all of what is driving our behavior, and it is this full range of expression that assists us in feeling complete and relieved in the process.

In our second model for understanding emotions, we believe the emotion that presents itself most strongly, is often covering up one or several other emotions. How might you react as an adult, if you were taught as a child that anger was a totally unacceptable emotion to feel? Perhaps you would learn to smile and become sugary sweet, no matter how upset you felt underneath.

What might happen if you began to have a crush on a playmate at the tender age of twelve and your father gave you a harsh lecture about the dangers of intimacy, and how sex was only meant for the purpose of procreation? Perhaps you would feel that it was unsafe to ever express your love and physical desire to another, and thus every time you were beginning to feel love, you would harshly criticize yourself and the person you were attracted to. Can you imagine how confusing your life might be if you were somehow always afraid to express what you felt, and thus attempted to cover up what you were feeling?

In our work in Seishindo, we often encourage our clients to ask themselves the following questions:
'What other emotions might exist to support or round out the one I am expressing now?'
'What emotions do I believe might be getting covered over or neglected by the emotion I am expressing now?'
'What is the one emotion I am the most likely to not feel, when I am feeling like I am now?'
'What might I be feeling if I was not feeling like I am now?'
Whenever you find yourself getting stuck in any one emotional state, we suggest that you breathe deeply and ask yourself the questions above

How to Become Wealthy By Creating Values Stuart Goldsmith

Every honest man and woman should earn their own living in the free trade of values with other humans. One of the best ways to become wealthy is to create values which didn't previously exist. Read that statement again, because it encapsulates the rational selfishness philosophy.

If you merely trade values, then you make a living but do not become wealthy and empowered. There is nothing wrong with this, of course, if that is what you want, but creativity is the key to riches. As an example, imagine we are on an island together with ten other families. Let's trade values. I'll fix your hut roof for two hours, whilst you husk coconuts for me for two hours. Fair? Sure. No problem. Tomorrow, I'll fish for my family and your family for five hours as long as you collect firewood and water for your family and my family for five hours. Okay? Yes. No problems here.

There's nothing wrong with this way of going on, and we could exist for centuries like this. In fact this is exactly how primitive societies did (and still do) operate. But there is no progress. Why is progress desirable? Because without it we are all still working for sixteen hours a day in mindless, numbing physical toil - just as people did for centuries, just as they are still doing now in many parts of the world. The fact that we swap jobs (trade values) doesn't actually improve our lives very much apart from a slight efficiency due to division of labor.

Now, let's create some values. Assume all ten families spend three hours a day collecting fresh water from the distant mountain stream. As an 'entrepreneur' you see a way of greatly improving the physical comfort of your family whilst also greatly improving the physical comfort of every other family on the island.

Indeed, you intend to create an honest, tradable value which will make you wealthy, but also make everyone else better off too. This is the essential point about getting wealthy through creating an honest value - everyone benefits.

Note one vital principle here. You are not motivated by altruism to improve the lot of others. You are solely interested in improving your own lot, and that of your family. You are acting selfishly. How can you act in any other way? This is what gets you out of bed in the morning. You are rational, because you know that the only sustainable way of becoming wealthy is to create something of lasting benefit to others (an honest value) otherwise they won't 'buy' it. The only alternative is for you to use force to enslave the population of the island to your desires, or to con them out of their values.

Okay, so what are you going to do? Through your ingenuity, your creativeness and your honest toil during what should be your rest period; you are going to create a neat piping system of bamboo cane which brings water down from the stream right into the village. You plan, you scheme, you work and sweat and toil. You sacrifice your leisure and a portion of your life. You take risks - it might not work. You place yourself in danger - the mountain is steep and slippery. Of course, you need to conduct a market survey, so you gather all the villagers together and say this:"For centuries the women have walked two miles a day to that hill with their water jars to fetch the daily water for their families. You all know that each family spends three hours a day in this pursuit. If I could bring you the same water, here, into the village and you could collect it in five minutes instead of three hours, would each family work for one hour a day on various tasks dictated for my family?"

Now of course the resounding answer would be "Yes!" Note the vital point here: everyone is a winner. Each family gains two precious hours a day for nothing - absolutely free, for zero effort on their part. They can use this time to grow more crops, fix up the hut, or whatever else they want to do. The net effect is that their lives are enriched and their standard of living rises, all due to your ingenuity, risk, and discipline. In return for your effort, ingenuity, skill and daring, you become a wealthy man. How? Because you now have ten families working one hour a day for you and so you can 'retire.’ In other words, because you created values for others which they willingly bought from you, you have freed yourself from the need ever to work again. There is no money on our island, but money is merely a token of so many units of human labor. There are several important points here.

Firstly you did not force anyone to do anything. This is not slavery. The man who says that modern work is slavery is a fool who has never felt the lash on his back.

In fact you freed the people from two full hours of soul-destroying donkeywork each and every day of their lives, and the price you charged them for these two hours was - zero. Secondly you did it for you, not for them, and you're proud to admit it. You're also proud of your water system. You're trying to add filtration and perhaps design an automatic coconut husker too.

Furthermore, you are proud of your wealth and your achievements. It makes you feel good to be alive. You know you created something of lasting value, and you're receiving the rewards which you are due. These rewards spur you on to greater efforts which will make you wealthier and improve the living standard of all of the villagers. Also, no villager is prevented from following in your footsteps, and so you act like a hero or heroine leading others on to greater efforts. Perhaps another villager will be inspired enough to start making boats in his free two hours - the two hours which you created for him and gave to him free. Now we can all go to where the fish are plentiful - by 'renting' his boats, of course.

 The ONE Reason Why You Fail

by Jeff Cohen

Do you know the one and only reason why people fail? You might have fallen into this trap. Listen carefully... You only fail when you QUIT. That’s right, you QUIT.

Life is a long journey. It is a marathon. And those who stay in the race until the end are those who win. That’s how winners are made. When you fail, you are being tested. You must prove that you deserve success. You must learn new lessons. That is why you fail, because you aren't qualified yet.

The trick here is to stay in the game. Because once you quit, you really fail. You can't call yourself a failure if you're still trying. It is just a matter of time until you crack the code and figure out your customized path to mega success. Persistence is the secret weapon of success. You can be very smart and bold, but without persistence you will lose sooner or later. My favorite quote here...

"Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go." -William Feather

That is 100% true!

 10 Minute Exercises with Fantastic Results

Many busy professionals feel that working out isn’t worth the time unless they can exercise for forty minutes or longer and it’s true that many healthcare workers and government agencies used to recommend that all adults get thirty consecutive minutes of aerobic exercise per day. But this is the twenty-first century and the fact of the matter is that you don’t have to do all your exercise at once to reap the health benefits. Research has shown that short, intense exercise segments throughout the day are just as effective as longer workouts at burning calories, increasing cardio endurance and lowering blood pressure and cholesterol. Even as little as five minutes can go a long way towards balancing hormones in the body and making you a happier person – is that great or what? You no longer have to worry about finding a large block of free time to work out; just take a coffee break and in five minutes you can feel totally rejuvenated.

One of the greatest things about shorter workouts is that they have tremendous potential to reshape your body with a minimum time commitment. Incorporating strength training exercises into your daily schedule is a powerful tool for both heart health and muscle strength. Spend five minutes doing lower body exercises and after several weeks you can tell a difference. Spend ten minutes on a power workout and results will show up in three weeks or less. Use the following ten-minute express workouts on a regular basis for a month and you will see remarkable changes in your body’s strength. You can do these workouts in your office with the door closed or, if your office is a cubicle, in the restroom or some other private area. Do whatever is necessary for you to fit in your exercise time at work.

Express Workout 1: Hips and Thighs

Hips and thighs can be a frustrating area to shape up especially for women. Thanks to the physiological design of female bodies, fat tends to be stored in the thighs and hips and can be very resistant to toning efforts. Perform this routine three to four times weekly in conjunction with aerobic exercise and your body will begin to reshape in six to ten weeks.

Squats: Squats are performed by standing with feet about shoulder-width apart and arms by sides. Keep strong posture and slowly lower buttocks as though about to sit down in a chair. Lower several inches and then slowly raise.

Pliès: Adopted from ballet, pliès are performed by standing with feet just wider than shoulder-width and toes pointed outward. With a hand on a chair or wall for balance, slowly drop your body straight down several inches and then come back up. To increase intensity, on the final pliè, stay in a lowered position and slowly pulse your body up and down about an inch. This fatigues the muscle faster.

Lunges: Lunges are performed by standing with feet about shoulder-width apart and hands on hips. Stand tall and take a large step forward with one foot, and remain in that position. Turn your back foot up until balanced on the toes and then slowly lower your body until your front knee forms a right angle. Slowly raise your body back up. Repeat on each side.

Leg Stretches: Stand with feet about shoulder-width apart and one hand holding a chair or wall for balance. Raise one foot behind you and reach back with your hand, grab the foot and gently pull it towards your buttocks. This stretches the quadriceps muscle on the front of the leg. Repeat with each leg.

For stretching the calf muscle, place one foot slightly in front of you and point your toes up, balancing on the heel. Keep your weight on the foot that is not being stretched. Repeat on both sides.

All times are approximate.

0:01 – 1:00 – Begin by walking briskly in place to warm up the muscles. Warming the muscles makes them pliable and will allow you to work longer.

1:01 – 3:00 – Perform as many squats as possible in two minutes.

3:01 – 4:00 – Rest for one minute.

4:01 – 6:00 – Perform as many pliès as possible in two minutes.

6:01 – 7:00 – Rest for one minute.

7:01 – 9:00 – Perform as many lunges (both legs) as possible in two minutes.

9:01 – 10:00 – Recovery and stretching.

Express Workout 2 – Arms and Shoulders

Building strength in your upper body is a vital part of any workout plan and fortunately it can be a fairly easy area to strengthen. Powerful arms are important for both men and women to assist with everyday life – it’s surprising how many typical daily tasks require using the shoulders, back and arms. By building those muscles, you will take some of the daily stress of your body. This 10-minute express workout develops the biceps, triceps, upper back muscles and shoulders.

Bicep Curls: Curls are done by standing with your feet about shoulder-width apart and weights in both hands. Tuck your elbows firmly against your sides with palms facing forward. Slowly raise the weight almost to your shoulder for a count of 5 and then lower it, again for a count of 5.

Overhead Press: The overhead press is performed by standing with feet about shoulder-width apart and a straight back, holding a weight in each hand. Bring the hands up to the shoulders and then slowly lift up for a count of 5. Raise the weights until the arm is almost fully extended; then release and lower downward.

Triceps Raise: Stand tall with feet slightly more than shoulder-width. With weights in hands, lift straight overhead until almost fully extended. Turn palms inward to face each other. Slowly begin to lower the weight down toward your back until the elbow forms a right angle; then raise the weight.

Forward Press: Standing with feet a few inches past shoulder-width. With weights in hands, bring up to shoulders. Slowly press the weights forward; then pull back. Be sure to keep arms level with shoulders and move forward and back slowly.

Stretches: Stretch the arms by raising your arms overhead, dropping one hand behind your head and using the other hand to gently press the elbow back to stretch the triceps muscle. Repeat with the other arm. Next, raise both arms overhead, lace fingers together and press arms outward. Lastly, bring one arm across the front of your body and use the other hand to press the arm against the body to stretch the biceps muscle.

0:01 – 0:30 – Warm up

0:31 – 2:30 – Perform as many slow, quality biceps curls as possible within two minutes.

2:31 – 3:00 – Rest for thirty seconds.

3:01 – 5:00 – Begin overhead raises and complete as many quality raises as possible within two minutes.

5:01 – 5:30 – Rest for thirty seconds.

5:31 – 7:30 – Complete as many accurate triceps presses as possible within two minutes.

7:31 – 8:00 – Rest for thirty seconds.

8:01 – 10:00 – Complete as many properly done forward presses as possible within two minutes.

Extra time: Stretch if you have time available.

Express Workout 3 – Abdominal Muscles

Having strong core muscles is crucial to protecting the spine and maintaining good posture. When your body is supported by strong central muscles it’s easier to perform everyday tasks as well as exercise. Abdominal workouts won’t flatten the stomach – that requires aerobic exercise – but they will strengthen and tone the muscles.

Basic Curls: Perform the basic curl by lying on your back with knees bents. Place your fingertips at your ears and use your stomach muscles to pull yourself about five or six inches. Slowly lower back down. Avoid using momentum to perform the exercises.

Cross-Curls: Begin in basic curl position. Contract stomach muscles and lift to the right as you bring your right elbow to your left knee. Switch and bring left elbow to right knee.

Bicycle: Begin in basic curl position but prop your upper body up on your elbows. Straighten your legs and then raise both legs several inches off the floor. Pull your right leg in to your body; then extend it as you pull in your left leg. Continue doing so; thus “bicycling.”

Rope Climb: Begin in basic curl position. Raise your legs straight up into the air while keeping your upper body flat on the floor. Using your abdominals to lift your upper back off the floor, use your hands and arms to pretend you are climbing a rope. Grasp the “rope” with your right hand as you bring your right side off the floor; then switch and use your left hand.

Stretches: Lie on your stomach with hands at about shoulder-height. Slowly use your hands to lift your upper body off the floor and stretch your abdominals.

0:01 – 2:00 – Perform as many well-done basic curls as possible within two minutes.

2:01 – 2:30 – Rest for thirty seconds.

2:31 – 4:30 – Complete as many accurate cross-curls as possible within two minutes.

4:31 – 5:00 – Rest for thirty seconds.

5:01 – 7:00 – “Bicycle” for two minutes.

7:01 – 7:30 – Rest for thirty seconds.

7:31 – 9:30 – “Climb” the “rope” for two minutes.

  Developed by Chhutki Infotech

                                                                                    Copyright © 2008 Dr. Pankaj Desai, All Rights reserved